What We Can't Have
by LadyAlesha
Summary: He watches her from the shadows, watches as the two lovers are reunited. The room is crowded, but no one sees him. She had noticed him once, though, or a least he thought she had.


Everywhere he looked students, teachers, and Order members were smiling, embracing and talking; celebrating their victory. The hum of their conversations filled the air and made it vibrate pleasantly. But Blaise only had eyes for her. The rest of the room had long since blurred together as he watched her sit with her mother. She reassured the frantic woman that she was alright, that Bellatrix's curse indeed hadn't hit her, and was in turn being calmed and soothed by her mother's concern.

No one paid him any attention. He blended in with the shadows, an aloof forbidding air about him that kept people from approaching him. It made his life easier, but also very lonely. Ginny Weasley had noticed him once, or so he had thought. Now she seemed as oblivious to him as everyone else was and it cut him deeper than he had thought it would.

He should have expected it. Throughout all of their encounters she had been more irritated than curious. At the time he had tried to tell himself that she was just stressed, but deep down he had known all along that she thought of him as an annoyance, an unnecessary complication to her already complicated life at Hogwarts. His attempts to gain her trust had been futile, the last time he had seen her, even after he had saved her from punishment and done his best to help her, she had still thought he was a spy.

She had single-handedly changed his attitude towards the war in one night and then refused to see the change. The memory of the fateful encounter that brought him to fight on the side of the Order was still vivid in his mind.

**

He walked slowly down the darkened corridor, humming to himself. Patrols had become a terrible bore. No one dared to stay out after curfew since Amycus and Alecto Carrow had been put in charge of punishment.

Blaise was sick of it all. Patrolling and taking points used to be fun, but what he had heard about the punishment the Carrows handed out was enough to make him sick. At first he had looked to Snape to put an end to the torture inflicted on the students. But when he hadn't, Blaise became more and more resentful of everything the man stood for.

He was careful not to let his disgust show, though, lest Snape got suspicious about his loyalties. He wanted no part in the war and hoped he wouldn't be forced to irrevocably choose one side. He had no idea which side he would join if he were forced to make a choice. And the indecision unsettled him.

A noise further down the corridor startled him. It sounded almost like footsteps. Intrigued, Blaise quickened his strides. The closer he drew, the louder and faster the staccato pounding became. Excitement bubbled up in his chest. Catching a rule breaker was just what he needed to make his night something other than boring. He would never hand them over to the Carrows, but that didn't mean he couldn't have a bit of fun with them before he sent them on their way.

Smirking, he rounded a corner and came face to face with none other than Ginny Weasley. Upon seeing him the girl stopped dead in her tracks, frantically looking between him and the corridor she had come from.

Now that she was no longer running he could make out a second set of footsteps. Panic welled in her eyes, but she didn't move. Whoever was after her was apparently worse than he could ever be, or the little Gryffindor wouldn't have stayed in his presence. Only one of the Carrow siblings could instil this kind of terror in someone like her.

He was surprised that she didn't plead with him to let her go or break down and cry. She was clearly afraid, but he could see that she wouldn't demean herself and beg, her pride wouldn't allow it.

Blaise admired the courage she displayed in this inescapable situation and, making a split-second decision, he closed the gap between them and pulled Ginny further along the corridor, hissing, "Don't just stand there, Weasley! Do you want to get caught?" He pushed the shocked girl behind a statue, the only hiding place he could think of. "Don't move and try not to make any sounds; best stop breathing, too."

He didn't look back to make sure she was completely hidden. Time was short and he had to get as far away from her hiding place as possible before her pursuer came upon him.

He had barely taken five steps when Amycus Carrow rounded the corner. "Mr. Zabini, what are you doing out after curfew?" His voice was dangerously low as he scrutinised Blaise.

"I'm Head Boy, Sir, I have to do rounds," Blaise replied coolly, one eyebrow raised in silent challenge.

"Of course, of course," Carrow amended hastily, "You haven't seen any students out of bed, have you?"

"No, Sir, there haven't been any students out after curfew in a while, not since Headmaster Snape stepped up the punishments. Who would be foolish enough to risk breaking the rules now?" _Keep him talking_, Blaise thought_, if he talks he's distracted and won't notice that there is nowhere else Weasley could have gone._

"Ah, Zabini, you are giving the Gryffindors too much credit. Nothing ever stops that lot from breaking the rules," Carrow said.

Blaise nodded in agreement, paused and then said, "If I come across anyone, I'll bring them straight to you, Professor."

"See that you do," Carrow instructed and walked off in the direction he had come from.

Blaise sighed. _What did I do that for? What is it about the little Weasley that made me want to help and protect her?_

But he had no answer for his questions and when he returned to the statue, Weasley was already gone.

_**_

After that night he started to watch her. Suddenly she seemed to pop up everywhere he went and the more he watched her, the more he longed to talk to her. He wished he could be one of her many friends. While her bravery was what had first made him notice her, her open friendliness and ever-present cheerfulness were what kept his attention.

He had watched from the shadows for several weeks before he approached her again.

Her voice cut through the quiet in the library angrily, "This is ridiculous, Neville. McGonagall can't possibly expect anyone to find this piece of information if it isn't in any of the library books and I swear I have looked through every one of them."

A smile flitted across his face. He remembered exactly which essay she was talking about. It had taken him days to look through every book in the library until he had finally found the one he needed.

Impulsively, he sprang to his feet and hurried down the aisle he was sitting in. Locating the small leather-covered volume was no problem. He doubted anyone had taken it off the shelf since he had found it the previous year.

He opened it to the right page and strode over to the table Longbottom and Weasley were occupying. Without a word he dropped the book in front of the redhead. He took a few seconds to take in her look of utter shock on her face, before he went back to his table, collected his things and left he library.

**

He didn't see her the next week. If he was honest with himself he was avoiding her. He still had no idea why he had helped her that night. Or what exactly had changed to make him help her again in the library.

Just when he thought he had successfully evaded her, she cornered him before they returned home for the Easter holidays.

"What are you playing at, Zabini," she demanded without preamble.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Oh come on, don't give me that crap, you know exactly what I mean: keeping me out of trouble with Carrow, helping me with my homework. What's your game?"

"I'm not playing a game, Weasley."

She gave him a disbelieving look. "Why did you do it, then?"

"Have you ever considered that maybe I just wanted to help you? With no ulterior motives?"

She snorted. "As if! You're a Slytherin, Zabini, you do nothing without ulterior motive."

"So what you're saying is, you don't believe anything I say, unless it's some kind of big plot to get you killed, just because of the House I'm in?" Blaise asked.

"Basically, yes," Ginny agreed with a shrug.

"What point was there in asking for an answer then, if your opinion is set in stone?"

Ginny looked uncomfortable for a moment and he hoped he was getting through to her. Her face softened a little and the accusing look left her eyes. "Let's pretend that I believe you for a minute," she said. "Are you telling me you want to fight the good fight?"

Blaise grimaced. "That's not what I was trying to tell you. I want no part in this war, neither on your lot's side nor on You-Know-Who's side."

"What _do_ you want then?" She grumbled.

"I want Hogwarts to be the way it was last year: a school where we can learn and grow as people, not a place where everyone is scared of being punished all the time," he explained.

"You are one weird guy, Zabini, you know that?" Ginny asked. "But surprisingly I think I believe you."

He flashed her a tentative smile, which she returned almost shyly.

"That doesn't mean I trust you, though," she amended.

He nodded. "I didn't expect you to. Believing me is enough for now, I can work with that."

An impish smile stretched her lips. "You think you can earn my trust?" Blaise nodded. "Good luck then, you'll need it."

Although her words suggested otherwise, Blaise was sure he was already well on his way to gaining her trust and she was only playing with him. Content, he watched her walk away from him to board the Hogwarts Express with her friends.

**

She hadn't come back after the holidays. Blaise didn't see her again until Hogwarts transformed from schoolyard to battlefield. He debated crossing the Great Hall to talk to her when a dark-haired boy approached her, flanked by two other former students Blaise could have done without seeing again.

Ginny sprang up and threw her arms around the boy. It hurt to see her in someone else's arms, but Blaise couldn't look away.

For months he had hoped that in time she would trust him, see him as a friend and then eventually something more. But no, Harry bloody Potter had to come back and sweep her off her feet.

When he had seen Potter leave the Great Hall a few hours ago without talking to Ginny, he had hoped that maybe they were really over. But now he saw that whatever tiny chance he might have had to win Ginny had flown out the window the minute Potter reappered.

They still had their arms around each other, talking quietly. The world around them seemed to have disappeared. Like his future with her disappeared as he watched their reunion. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Weasley and Granger ushering the redhead's mother away from the happy and oblivious couple towards the rest of the Weasley family.

Only when Potter bent down to kiss Ginny could Blaise rip his gaze from the couple. The joy they shared over their victory drained his heart, leaving behind an aching emptiness. All of a sudden he was glad that nobody had noticed him.

Undetected, or so he thought, he slipped through the open doors and vanished into the darkness. Had he looked back, he would have seen Ginny watching his retreat with an odd glint in her eyes, completely ignoring Potter for the moment.

Summary: He watched her from the shadows. An outsider, unnoticed by everyone. But she had noticed him once, at least he thought she had.


End file.
